What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 23:39
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We all went to grammer schools
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
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I did it because my mum asked me too!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Do narcissists love their children?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I don,t even have a pension.
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For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Would you let your partner cheat on you every now and again?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She married twice! .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why did i forgive my father ?
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With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And i lived it daily.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
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Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But it wasn’t much.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
How do I become a Buddhist, and can someone explain Buddhism to me?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
According to Trump, Ukraine started the war. Why?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
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We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Why am I so afraid that gun owners have set traps to kill me outside my house or my car?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was scared of men, in general
Put me off passion for life!!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
When she asked me how she looked .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She wouldn,t have been !
What did i know ?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
All the time i was locked up.
Especially a lifetime of it.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She was in good health!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
It was going to be , some day.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I couldn’t, believe it.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I write beautiful poetry .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im still living with it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I think the readers, may guess!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I have no regrets .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I never cut or harmed myself..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We were not on the streets..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Comes on , in middle age.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
So whats the point in blame.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But, we were locked up after school.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
So, i spoilt her more .
I was seconnd youngest,
My life is so biszare .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
This is soul school!.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He knew the spot.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Would this be the day?
I was 9 years of age.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My family never makes their pension either.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I will be 64.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I was very sick at this time too.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
One cannot live in the past .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I waited trembling.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I said to her
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Ive learnt so much.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Who then, do I blame.?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She found it foreign!.
She loved him until the end.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!